God has Problems

Yes, he has problems. Many problems. Must be why God doesn’t go on vacation. He’s always busy.

What problems? Well, they are innumerable. An example? Located in various sites of the former Soviet Union, atomic warheads are stored in underground silos. It’s just that the indicative maps regarding their whereabouts are long lost. Nobody knows where these firecrackers are anymore. If they were to fall into unsavory hands then we would all have a fine display of pyrotechnics. This is a problem for God…

Want more? The creator willed that the nurturing of human lives be inseparable from a gesture of love. She must believe that to be born into a hug would make our terrestrial experience gentler. Today, there is a shortage of love it seems and so they must appeal to test tubes and beakers. A recent study carried out in Italy together with 100 elderly women revealed that only 48 of them have grandchildren. Is this not a problem for God?

I don’t want to dwell on demonstrating this shameful thesis, but rather to point in another direction. If God has so many problems—which he really does!—why is it that church-goers bring even more problems to the Lord? Don’t you agree? Try interviewing, at the door of the church, the long pilgrimage of the faithful (?) coming to attend service. Ask them just one question:

– Why did you come to church?

In response, you friend will hear a long litany: my son is in the hospital / my father’s never home anymore / my entrance exams are coming up / tomorrow I get my biopsy results / I got fired / I’m going in for an interview for a new job / my dog ran away…

Of course: They are all waiting for God to pull some strings, make some little miracle happen, reverse the natural order of things and… give a break to all of His believers.

Well, God has much bigger problems on his hands! What is he to do about reforesting the Amazon? How to cool down global warming? How would he soften the mineral hearts of governors who embezzle school cafeteria funding in order to build their castles with? How to prevent pregnant women from burning with acid the child still in their womb?

Meanwhile, on the varnished church benches, the faithful ask for revenge against their aggressors, clambering for fire to descend down from the heavens onto their bothersome neighbors, secretly soliciting for those six zeros of the lottery or—or at the very least—a dignified and well-paid retirement fund.

Outside, beggars go hungry, children are thrown in the trash, the elderly dehydrate in nursing homes in disrepair, and patients bleed in the corridors of the hospitals. I still wait for the day when believers will enter the temple, extend their empty hands and say to God:

-Lord, here I am. How can I be of help?