Allegiance

When we live for long periods of time with someone whom we love and that loves us back, there can occur beautiful moments. We surmount moments of joyfulness in living together. A certain day was our apogee. We were with the right person at the appropriate time. Maybe when we look back, we see it all as a period of happy encounters. For weeks, even months we met at that spot and the conversations were great. Everything conspired to create harmony when we were together.

Two friends meet and study together. They talk about everything with ease. In the good moments, times of crises and pain, even in times of loss and financial difficulties. They live together side-by-side, supporting each other, knowing how to mutually listen and give support. They are accomplices in the joy of trusting one another.

Men and women fallen in love. There is such sweet wonder in mutual discovery. What an intense pleasure it is to get close, to discover the pleasure of an erotic union. Time stops. For a few brief moments nothing else exists. The past and future lose their weight. Or we fecundate the instant in a shower of stars. We discover the life story of one another. The smiles, joy and intense happiness of a love that begins with us as complete listeners. We want to please. We want to help. We want to open ourselves and let another know us. We want to love and be loved. And we succeed. Weeks and months on end in a sweet drunkenness of happy intensity.

Client and therapist. There is a strong mutual empathy and reciprocal trust. The client finds himself being understood, taken in and accepted. This is creating courage. He speaks of his most profound wounds. For months or even years the meetings carry on. Productive sessions take place with frequency. Important discoveries occur. For the first time, He sees the motives of certain attitudes, certain feelings. To the therapist, there is the challenge to try and grasp some of the mysteries in the web of life. To comprehend a rich and complex individual is never easy. It’s necessary to escape the trivial, the ready-made formulas. Have to forget everything and pay close attention. I embark from my ignorance and little by little I gather the elements that allow me to comprehend why certain feelings made themselves present and the reason for certain attitudes. There is a profound joy in this four-handed work. Mutual thankfulness occurs. Such joyfulness is felt in sharing moments so significant. There is relief in seeing that a change appears, a new life begins to sprout and thrive where before there was only pain, frozen life, impotence, paralysis.

Co-workers. Since the beginning a silent encounter. There are some people who speak with their gaze. Take us in or love us with attitudes, with smiles, with a silent affection which is never spoken. These are very brief encounters. Sometimes, longer conversations happen in the work environment. But it doesn’t go much beyond that. It remains a timid, however effective friendliness. It lives there, only there, but it is real. One day one of them will move away and ten years go by. When they say their goodbyes there is a contained sentiment of thankfulness. Joy. A longing that lingers.

There are those relationships that survive decades. Meeting, or failing to meet, and meeting up again. Good times, cold and weary times or when we are bored. But at the moment of need there is total availability. My friend needs me. She’s having a hidden affair. She keeps total secrecy. She doesn’t trust in hardly anyone even though almost everyone would keep it confidential. She can talk to me. I comfort her. I comprehend her. Time has made me understand that authentic romantic encounters go beyond conventional social rules. For months the dialog is intense and happy.

For someone else, there is the shock of another person’s death. A great love suddenly disappears from the living world. The grief is tremendous. Long encounters follow, seeking consolation almost daily. Little by little the pain diminishes, and the comprehension grows. The long process of recalling a life lived with someone who just passed away begins to calm down.

When we look at human encounters, we must separate the essential from the trivial. It is in great moments that we can see the relative perfection of the human encounter. Or it can be found in many small moments of silent tenderness and calm. In any case, we can be loyal to what each of us has best in ourselves. For the most part, our coexistence with people who are important to us is just scribble. We are inattentive or weary. One of us is negligent, too lazy to listen or maybe just wants to talk about himself. But if there were great moments, even if they are long past or very few, we should remember them. That is where the truthfulness of the relationship is. That is what she has best. There lies the possible perfection that in fact was real. Love incarnated. Affairs of a relative perfection happened in our lives. So be loyal. Be thankful. Keep as sacred that which each of us gave of their best. Live the sureness of a love lived, even if brief, even if rare. Everything passes. The rest is scribble. Love remains everlasting.