We’ll start the program today with our top story here in Belo Horizonte, our own BH. Today, the 1st of April, civil and military police seal an agreement to work together with government intelligence agencies in an agreement to eliminate violent crowd-control tactics. The Federal Government’s Strategic Plan for Public Security, sided with state governments was also launched, focused mainly on the organization of committees per city block. Organized population sectors will be the basis of the new system.
The American Soccer Club obtained funding from a European bank in the sum of three hundred million Euros for the contracts of six reinforcement players: Robben (The Netherlands), Hazard (Belgium), Cavani (Uruguay), Bale (Wales), Yaya Toure (Ivory Coast) and Ibrahimovic (Sweden).
And if that’s not enough, Felipão was selected as team coach. President Afonso Celso Raso says his goals are progressive; this year the goal is to win the B Series, next year the Brasileirão, the year after the Libertadores, and in the following he wants to drink beer in a FIFA mug in Morocco.
With the March rains bringing a close to the summer season, hydroelectric reservoirs and urban supply systems reach their highest levels in history. The governors of Rio and Sao Paulo declined the offer for mutual water supply from the Rio Paraiba do Sul river basin.
Venezuela undergoes a process of reconciliation between Bolivians and consumerists and a new law guarantees press freedom. MERCOSUL now extends to all the countries of Latin America. Haiti was annexed as the 28th Brazilian state, which now expands its territory into the Caribbean. The Cubans are growing worried about their future. The Portuguese denounce the voracity of Brazil’s expansionism who will now hand back their language newly modified with fancy tropicalisms.
Colombian President Juan Manuel Santos and the FARC finally celebrate a peace agreement after half a century of conflict. The FARC commander Tymoshenko, who incidentally is also a doctor, will assume the post of Health Commissioner. Juan Manuel declared that family physicians will be placed in first priority. In parallel solemnity, the drug cartels of Medellin, Cali and Valle del Norte celebrate a pact of total banishment of all drug trading and announce the construction of NGOs for the rehabilitation of the chemically dependent.
The UN Secretary General, Ban Ki-moon, publicly announces that all the world’s nuclear powers have agreed to dismantle their arsenals within six months, during which time the Security Council will effectively be dissolved.
Seizing the opportunity, the United States forgave all foreign debts owed by African countries. Obama announces, in tears, that the budget of 1.8 trillion dollars formerly allocated to weapons manufacture will be distributed among those countries from whence his ancestors came.
Obama also visits Raul Castro, whom he considers a friend, announcing the end to the economic blockade and calls on all countries of the world to augment trade with Havana. In response, Fidel defends the market economy, saying that free competition was Nature’s finest creation and cites Darwin’s Law of Evolution. He asserts that he is now regarded as an evolutionary without the “r.” He also acknowledges the existence of God, which contributes to his personal growth, affirming that creationism and evolutionism are wholly compatible.
FEBRABAN, the Brazilian Bank Federation, announces that its banks have abolished all tariffs and the new interest rate of 12 % per year for the overdraft.
Pope Francisco signs decree transforming the Banco Ambrosiano into the newly inaugurated Christian Humanitarian Bank.
The Israel Lands Administration announced that Arab families are free to buy land at subsidized prices in the newly established settlement areas.
Syrian leaders reach an agreement and begin the process of rebuilding the destroyed areas. Millions of refugees begin the return journey. Free and general elections will be held within six months under the supervision of UN commissions chaired by Brazil.
Ukrainians, Russians and Chechens reach an agreement and unite into a single nation of friendly peoples.
The President Dilma Administration was awarded by the International Courtesy Association for the politeness and delicacy of her auxiliaries, especially her lady ministers. The President also announced the resumption of the Luz Para Todos (Light for All) Program, bringing electricity into 100,000 Minas Gerais households and to one million Brazilian families who still use oil lamps.
Finally, the most anticipated event. Lucifer asks God for forgiveness and is subjected to a three-millennia-long penance submerged in a frozen lake in Siberia. Pentecostal churches of the third wave had a startled reaction with the much celebrated covenant which could greatly decrease the influx of believers seeking spiritual aid.
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